The Devil's Dictionary
by Apple Snapple
Summary: 26 words. 26 drabbles for each word from the Devil's Dictionary, starting from A and ending in Z. Various scenarios, pairings, and genres. Complete.
1. Alone

**ALONE**, _adj. _In bad company.

_In contact, lo! the flint and steel,  
By spark and flame, the thought reveal  
That he the metal, she the stone,  
Had cherished secretly alone.  
—Booley Fito_

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

When one saw Niou Masaharu walking around Rikkai Daigaku Fuzoku's tennis courts hanging out with his friends, they would never think of him as being 'alone'. No, to normal, everyday humans, being alone meant that you were abandoned from everyone. You had no friends, no one to talk to; no one noticed you nor did they ever care about you. This was the ideal definition of being alone.

No one ever suspected that even if you _were_ with people, you could be alone as well.

Ever since Niou was little, he had always felt alone. No, it wasn't as if the people he lived with abandoned him or anything and left him there alone in the house for the whole day, it was nothing like that. It was just that his parents and never bothered to pay attention to him. All his mother did was tell him when it was time to eat their regulated meals. His father? He worked at a company from seven in the morning and didn't come back until eight at night.

Of course, Niou didn't blame them. He understood that his mother just wasn't the type of person that could express their kindness and generosity. And he understood that his father was too busy with his work. Work had to come first, before the family.

Things didn't change when he was in elementary school. He was surrounded with people, of course, but they only talked to him because they thought all his pranks and tricks were cool.

That's why he was so popular. Because of his tricks. His name 'Niou the Trickster' was known all around Tokyo. He was famous, yet he still felt alone. Because no one really knew what he felt on the inside.

Nothing changed during middle school. He was surrounded by his teammates from tennis club. Sanada always reprimanded him because of a new trick he did. Yukimura just smiled. Kirihara complained the whole time like a spoiled little brat and never actually asked Niou what he felt, or how good his day had been. Jackal, well, he was just Jackal. The quiet guy. Marui droned on and on about some new flavored gum he had found while surfing through the internet. Yanagi just took notes on him for his beloved data notebook.

And then there was Yagyuu. His beloved doubles partner. Even he didn't know what Niou felt like, nor did he know what he was thinking the whole entire time. Sometimes he came pretty close, but he never reached beyond the borderline.

It was the same as it had always been. He was surrounded by company, but he still felt alone.

* * *

If anyone's wondering what the heck the Devil's Dictionary is, it's a collection of dark/bitter definitions for common terms, written by Ambose Bierce. They're actually pretty interesting.

Meh. For twenty-six words I'll have to write twenty-six chapters. What have I gotten myself into? So many unfinished works now...but I WILL finish them.


	2. Bore

**BORE**, _n. _A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

Oh yes. It was another one of those long, dreary days when Atobe decided to call his whole team to his house and start ranting and lecturing about 'how awesomely awesome Ore-sama is' or whatever the heck. It consisted from Atobe helping ants to Atobe unsuccessfully stalking Oshitari just so he could get the blue-haired idiot to apologize for making Mukahi angry that particular day. Oh yes, he was definitely doing a good deed for them all. Like Oshitari would be stupid enough to _not_ make up with Mukahi. Really.

So, Atobe was ranting on and on like before. Shishido had decided to bring along his English homework just so he could save time. Kabaji just stood by Atobe's side like always. The other two second-years had decided to work on their much hated chemistry homework. Jirou had fallen asleep, like always. Oshitari was reading a book, and Mukahi? Well, he was just freaking bored out of his mind.

"Don't you think Ore-sama has done a good deed today? If it weren't for me, the cat would've have been able to get down from the tree safely."

Shishido looked up from his English homework and turned to stare at Atobe. "Dude, Atobe, it's a freaking cat. It knows how to land on all four of its legs, you know."

"But that cat was _obviously_ extremely afraid of heights. And what if Ore-sama was not there, ah? That cat might've been stuck up there without Ore-sama's help!"

"Dude, the only reason why the cat wasn't freaking jumping out of the tree was because YOU were blocking the freaking way. Like hell it's going to want to jump on your ugly face. It probably got like, some strange, unknown disease just because _you_ were touching it."

Atobe looked angered. No, wait, scratch that. He_ was_ angered. "Ore-sama was doing a good deed today!"

"The cat's a freaking cat, it's independent, it doesn't need a maid to help it get down from a tree. Seriously, sometimes I really wonder whether or not you have any common sense whatsoever."

Mukahi yawned. "Atobe, you sometimes really bore me to death."

Atobe raised his eyebrows. "Come hither, you defiant scoundrel, or off with your head!" he demanded.

"Like hell I'm going over there. You're boring me to death and you expect me to listen to you?"

"Ore-sama was giving a good speech!"

"Well you know what, you never listen to what _I_ have to say. And it just really bores me to death."

"You know, you could've just brought along some homework," Shishido pointed out. "Instead of just sitting there daydreaming like a dolt on a sugar high."

"Whatever." Mukahi rolled his eyes. "I'm just really bored right now."

Although boredom is sometimes a good thing, it's never a good thing if you're the one causing it. Especially if you're just droning on and on about something completely unnecessary and random.


	3. Congratulation

**CONGRATULATION**, _n. _The civility of envy.

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

To congratulate means that a certain person feels happiness for another certain person or people's accomplishment, whether it be wealth, prosperity, marriage, proposal, etc. 

All that are supposed to be forms of happiness.

However, that definition is only partially true.

When Fuji walks up to congratulate Tezuka on his marriage, he feels happy. He is happy that Tezuka has found a person that he can love. He is happy that Tezuka has found his own source of happiness.

But, when he congratulates him, he surprises himself. Not only does he feel happiness for his fellow teammate, but he also feels some form of...envy.

He is envious, because he wishes that he can be just like that happy couple standing before him.

He is envious, because he wants to find his own happiness as well.

He is envious, because he wants to be able to be like Tezuka, to be able to let go of the past.

He is envious, because, amusingly enough, he wishes to be the one in that white dress, standing next to Tezuka and smiling proudly before the crowd of people.

Most of all, he is envious because he just wishes that Tezuka were all _his_.

* * *

Ok. First time writing TezuFuji, also the first time writing in present tense form. Believe me, present tense is HARD. 

Critique espeically for this chapter is always welcome, whether it be flames, CC, whatever.

And also, I've decided to keep chapters short since I actually enjoy writing short chapters. Meh. XP


	4. Diary

**DIARY**, _n. _A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.

_Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ  
All that he had of wisdom and of wit.  
So the Recording Angel, when Hearst died,  
Erased all entries of his own and cried:  
"I'll judge you by your diary." Said Hearst:  
"Thank you; 'twill show you I am Saint the First" —  
Straightway producing, jubilant and proud,  
That record from a pocket in his shroud.  
The Angel slowly turned the pages o'er,  
Each stupid line of which he knew before,  
Glooming and gleaming as by turns he hit  
On Shallow sentiment and stolen wit;  
Then gravely closed the book and gave it back.  
"My friend, you've wandered from your proper track:  
You'd never be content this side the tomb —  
For big ideas Heaven has little room,  
And Hell's no latitude for making mirth,"  
He said, and kicked the fellow back to earth.  
—"The Mad Philosopher"_

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

Fuji Yuuta loved his diary. 

He just loved it.

Call him a girly boy if you will, but there was no reason for Fuji Yuuta to be ashamed of loving his diary. He just didn't have to tell anyone. He'd just have to prevent anyone from finding out.

Yuuta had many reasons why he loved his diary so much. He could tell his diary so many things that he would've been afraid to tell to a normal human being. He could put in all his emotions; his hate, anger, guilt, happiness, anything. It was like his best friend, the only thing that he could trust not to leak out any information that he didn't want anyone to find out. He could probably call it his best friend. It was the only thing that he could trust.

It was because he feared humans more than anything in the world. Books, he could deal with, but not humans. Books couldn't talk; they didn't have the five senses that humans had. Books didn't have so many mixed up emotions in them that led to betrayal or fear.

Some people could say this sort of relationship with a little notebook was unhealthy. But Yuuta couldn't help it. Society had made him this way, and there was no turning back now.

He often wondered what he would do if someone found his diary. Perhaps he could burn it, and pretend it never existed before. Or, maybe, he could murder the person who read it, even though that might be a bit too harsh. Maybe he could kill himself, even.

Because society was just that cruel.

He often wondered why society had become this way. This world, to him, was extremely stressful to humans. He wished people would stop trying to become so civilized. He wished they all could just live like mammals, like they were supposed to.

If only his dream could come true, he wouldn't have to have such a thing as a diary, and rely on it so much for support.

His diary was like his life support. If he didn't have it, sooner or later he would break. Just snap in half.

The only thing he could trust now was his diary. Nothing more. Not even his family, his friends. He couldn't trust any human, for fear he would be betrayed to the world.


	5. Emotion

**EMOTION**, _n. _A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

The stoic captain of Seigaku was a person who everyone knew had no emotion, felt no emotion, and some even believed he didn't even know what emotion was.

A more civil way of describing him would be to say that he was a very, very stolid person.

An extremely rude way of describing him would be to say that he was like a rock.

It could be said that each individual in Seigaku's tennis team tried to get Tezuka to show at least _some_ kind of emotion. Quite frankly, it scared everyone, even the regulars sometimes, when Tezuka just sat there with his cold, hardened eyes scanning the courts.

Tezuka felt no need to show any emotion, to _feel_ any emotion, because he believed if he felt any type of emotion, he'd lose his head over to his heart. He believed that his mind was the most powerful tool any human could possess, and once lost he could never gain it back again. The heart was a useless tool. Well, perhaps not that useless, because if he didn't have it he wouldn't be able to live. It was a muscle that pumped blood throughout his body. Nothing else was needed from it.

He told Oishi this once, when Oishi was in his curious state and asked him if he had ever felt any emotion before.

"But, Tezuka, mind and heart are the same. You can't live without your mind, and you can't live without your heart either. Doesn't that make mind and heart on the same level?"

Tezuka believed that his mind was way more important than his heart. His heart carried unnecessary feelings that he did not want to experience. His head carried all the information that he needed to live. His mind would one day help him have a successful career. It was only through his mind that he could achieve self-actualization, a point where he could tell between different things and didn't need others to rely on. It was one of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and perhaps the most important one of all.

You could call him an emotionless brat, but he didn't care. Because he didn't feel or have any emotion with him.

He refused to show any emotion, because he was the famous stoic captain of Seishun Gakuen.

Because he was just that stubborn.

But in the end, it was inevitable that emotion was needed in life.


	6. Friendship

**FRIENDSHIP**, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul. 

_The sea was calm and the sky was blue;_  
Merrily, merrily sailed we two.  
(High barometer maketh glad.)  
On the tipsy ship, with a dreadful shout,  
The tempest descended and we fell out.  
(O the walking is nasty bad!)  
—Armit Huff Bettle  
**  
--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

"Ne, Yuushi, we'll always be doubles partners, right?" Mukahi asked one day. 

Oshitari looked at him for a moment. "Of course we'll always be doubles partners. What made you think we wouldn't be?"

Mukahi shrugged. "I dunno."

Oshitari stared at him.

"Okay, fine, I do know. I saw this like, really random movie one day and it was really sad and angsty."

"Oh? What happened?"

"So like, these two girls were friends, right? But then one of the girls got like, really angry or something and then they weren't friends anymore."

"Well, that's just a movie. It won't happen to us, because this is real life."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

* * *

Oshitari was having a bad day. He found out he had gotten a 87 percent on his last math test, and he knew his parents would be steaming mad when they found out. He also found out that someone had vandalized his gym locker, so now he had no place to put his gym clothes and was forced to ask Shishido if he could use his locker. He had to turn down _three _girls who had asked him out, so now he felt even worse. 

"Ne, Yuushi, can you help me with my math homework?" Mukahi asked, bouncing towards him.

"Not now, Gakuto," Oshitari replied.

"Why not?"

"I'm busy right now. Maybe later."

"Ok, fine. But I don't really see you doing anything. Are you just busy thinking or something?"

"I'm having a bad day right now, and I'd rather you not talk to me."

Mukahi eyed him suspiciously. "Is it girl problems?"

"No."

"Are you PMSing?"

"Gakuto, be realistic."

"Okay, fine, so you aren't PMSing. Did someone kill you?"

Oshitari sighed, trying to keep his cool. "Does it _look_ like I'm dead to you, Gakuto?" he asked, raising his voice.

"Okay, okay, so someone didn't kill you. Jeez, you don't have to yell so loudly."

"Then just leave me alone."

Mukahi glared. "No."

"Why not?"

"We're friends, aren't we? So we should be able to tell each other anything, right?"

"I'm not in the mood to talk right now."

"You're _never_ in the mood to talk, especially when you're being bitchy. What, do you think I'm just too _stupid_ to understand your problems?"

"That's not the problem!" People within hearing distance of the two stopped and stared. Oshitari lowered his voice. "Gakuto, I don't think you're stupid."

"Then what's the problem?" Mukahi demanded.

Oshitari shook his head. "I just can't talk right now. Can't you understand that?"

"No, I don't think I can."

"Then maybe it would be better if we weren't friends anymore."

"What brought this up?!" Mukahi asked. "Why are you telling me we shouldn't be friends all of a sudden?"

"Because obviously we can't cooperate with each other."

"You _promised." _Mukahi said quietly. "You promised that we would always be friends. You promised."

Oshitari was silent. It was true; he did promise.

"But apparently, promises were never meant to be kept. Fine, you'll have your way. We aren't friends anymore, Yuushi. Not even doubles partners. I'm resigning from the tennis club, so you won't catch my _stupidity_. Who knows, it might be contagious." And with that Mukahi walked away.

_I promised…_


	7. Ghost

**GHOST**, n. The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.

_He saw a ghost.  
__It occupied — that dismal thing! —  
__The path that he was following.  
__Before he'd time to stop and fly,  
__An earthquake trifled with the eye  
__That saw a ghost.  
__He fell as fall the early good;  
__Unmoved that awful vision stood.  
__The stars that danced before his ken  
__He wildly brushed away, and then  
__He saw a post.  
_—_Jared Macphester_

Accounting for the uncommon behavior of ghosts, Heine mentions somebody's ingenious theory to the effect that they are as much afraid of us as we of them. Not quite, if I may judge from such tables of comparative speed as I am able to compile from memories of my own experience.

There is one insuperable obstacle to a belief in ghosts. A ghost never comes naked: he appears either in a winding-sheet or "in his habit as he lived." To believe in him, then, is to believe that not only have the dead the power to make themselves visible after there is nothing left of them, but that the same power inheres in textile fabrics. Supposing the products of the loom to have this ability, what object would they have in exercising it? And why does not the apparition of a suit of clothes sometimes walk abroad without a ghost in it? These be riddles of significance. They reach away down and get a convulsive grip on the very tap-root of this flourishing faith.

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

"Mura-buchou, I'm scared," Kirihara said. 

"Why, Akaya?" Yukimura asked.

Kirihara pouted. "I'm scared that the ghost that I saw in the movie the other day will come out to get me! Mura-buchou, do you believe in ghosts?"

Yukimura smiled. "No, Akaya."

"Why not?" Kirihara looked at him with questioning eyes.

"We've never seen any scientific proof that ghosts are real."

"But we've seen pictures!"

"There's no proof that they were actually ghosts. They could just be some trick of the light."

"Then why does everyone know about ghosts?"

"People fear things, Akaya. They fear the very things that they themselves created in their subconscious mind."

"So basically…basically ghosts are a character that we came up with that aren't real and we're just fearing something that we imagined?"

"Exactly."

"But why didn't anyone think of that before?"

"People have, Akaya, but only a select few."

"Then why haven't I heard about it before?"

"Few people ever think about why they fear ghosts so much. They just fear them, and don't think about the reasons behind it."

"I understand it, but…" Kirihara paused. "But I still get scared by them. Not because I think they're real or anything, but because they're just scary. They're scary looking, and they give me nightmares whenever I watch a scary movie and go to sleep after that. It's as bad as when I get a nightmare about Sanada-fukubuchou kissing Echizen Ryoma from Seigaku."

Yukimura looked amused. "You dream about those kinds of things?"

"Well it's not my fault!" Kirihara protested. "My brain just hates me that way."

"Well, let's not watch scary movies before bedtime, okay?"

"'Kay."

"So what do you want to watch today?"

"I want to watch…that really awesome video you were talking about! The one about penguins and stuff!"

"Then the penguin movie it is."

After that, Yukimura never played a scary movie on his DVD player before bedtime ever again.

* * *

…The definition was long this time. And I mean REALLY long. 

Oh. And a new name for the SanadaEchizen pair. My friend came up with it.

Okay, so hyperdude says that SanadaEchizen pair will now be dubbed Cap Pair.

XD


	8. Habit

**HABIT**, n. A shackle for the free.

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

"What I really don't get is why in the hell you insist on wearing your glasses every day even though they're just for show," Shishido had commented.

Oshitari shrugged. "I've gotten so used to wearing them, they're become a part of me."

"So? It's not too late to stop wearing them. You say that as if your glasses are like, your arms or something."

"You know, they just might be like my arms."

"…Okay, that's just weird."

"Whoever said I was normal?"

"…"

Oshitari knew exactly why he kept on wearing his glasses.

It was all a bad habit.

At first there would be times when he forgot to even put them on as he got to school, but gradually they became a part of him. He had been wearing these for over three years now, and each morning the first thing he would reach and take would be his glasses. He would never forget them; it was impossible to forget them. It was like his body _needed_ them, and if they weren't there his body would malfunction.

Habits were sometimes good, and sometimes bad. For Oshitari, it didn't really matter.

His glasses never really affected him much anyway, just his overall appearance.

**OMAKE**

"Yuushi, what are glasses?" Mukahi asked.

"These things, Gakuto," Oshitari answered, taking his spectacles off.

"Wait, what's this then?" Mukahi was pointing at the glass.

"That's the lens."

"And this?" Mukahi was pointing at the frame.

"That's called the frame, which keeps the lenses in place."

"Then where are the glasses then?" Mukahi demanded. "I don't see anything!"

"…"

"Unless, of course, you weren't talking about those silly things that hold wine…"

"…"

* * *

Random omake there, just cause I felt like it. XD 


	9. Idleness

**IDLENESS**, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

* * *

Kirihara was bored.

Yes, he was very, very bored.

"Niou-senpai, I'm really bored!" Kirihara whined. "What should I do?"

"Bratling, stop bothering me. Go do something productive." Niou shooed him away, still eyeing his tennis racket thoughtfully.

Kirihara pouted. "Meanie! You aren't even doing anything; you're just staring at your tennis racket!"

"I _am_ doing something, bratling, so shut up."

"Fine!" So, Kirihara was still bored. He didn't feel like doing anything productive, because that would be boring. So he decided to go and annoy someone. Fine idea…

Then he came up with a brilliant question.

"Hey, where do tennis rackets come from?" Kirihara asked Niou.

"From your mouth, now shut it!"

"Cool!!!" Kirihara ran off telling everyone about his discovery. "MARUI-SENPAI!! DID YOU KNOW THAT TENNIS RACKETS COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?!!??!!" he cried out.

Marui stared. "Uh…sure?"

"YAY!! I LEARNED SOMETHING NEW TODAY!! SANADA-FUKUBUCHOU!! DID YOU KNOW THAT TENNIS RACKETS COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?!"

Niou winced. "He's _still_ being loud…"

Sanada stood there, motionless. "Akaya, tennis rackets don't come out of your mouth."

"Really?! But Niou-senpai told me they did!!"

"…Niou…"

Niou twitched. "Yeah?"

"34 laps. Now. Go."

"It wasn't my fault, he was asking where they came from! What was I supposed to do, tell him that they came out of his _mother_?"

"50 LAPS, NOW!"

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

"MEANIE, YOU TOLD ME THAT TENNIS RACKETS CAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, NOT MOTHERS!!" Kirihara cried out.

"YOU IDIOT, TENNIS RACKETS ARE MANUFACTURED IN SPORTS COMPANIES!!"

"Oh…wait, what does manufacture mean?"

"You're…stupid."

"TARUNDORU!" Sanada slapped Niou for insulting his teammate.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Niou shouted.

"60 laps, now!"

"…"

"Sanada-fukubuchou, where do tennis rackets come from?" Kirihara asked suspiciously. He was learning not to trust his senpai-tachi anymore, because he just got too confused.

"What Niou said, Akaya."

"Oh, so they _do_ come out of our mouths!!"

"No…they're manufactured in sports companies…"

"Ah…"

"…"

* * *

First time writing actual crack for this series…XD 


	10. Jealous

**JEALOUS**, _adj._ Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

* * *

There was a time in Jirou's life when he got jealous of his own picture.

It wasn't on purpose, really. He was only four at the time, and he had been going through his family's photo album. When he saw a picture of his mom carrying him, he began to cry.

It wasn't his fault, really. He couldn't recognize himself at the time, and babies' outward appearances change drastically over the course of four years. Of course, since Jirou was only four, he didn't understand that at all.

When he was older, his mother had told him that story. As she was laughing she said, "Jirou, there was this one time when you saw a picture of me carrying you and you got jealous. You started crying."

Jirou shook his head and vowed that he would never become jealous of his own picture again.

At least, that's what he thought.

When he was looking through Atobe's family picture, he saw a photo of Atobe and a strange looking boy with glasses holding hands. "Ne, Kei-chan, who is this?" he asked, frowning a little.

Atobe looked surprised. "Jirou, that's you, don't you remember?"

Jirou thought for a moment, looking confused. "Oh! Right, I was wearing Tari-kun's glasses that time!"

Atobe snorted. "What, did you get jealous of your picture?"

"…No…" Jirou lied.

Jealousy was a strange thing. Really.

**OMAKE**

"Atobe, stop getting jealous of your own picture," a fifty year old Oshitari reprimanded.

Atobe frowned. "But at my middle school years, I looked so young! Look at me, now, so old!"

"Stop getting jealous over your own picture. It's not going to make a difference."

"BUT ORE-SAMA IS OLD!!"

"…Sure…and so am I."

* * *

Uh…random omake that I thought up cause…well…I have my random moments. XD 


	11. Keep

**KEEP**, _v.t. _

_He willed away his whole estate,  
And then in death he fell asleep,  
Murmuring: "Well, at any rate,  
My name unblemished I shall keep."  
But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought  
Whose was it? — for the dead keep naught.  
—Durang Gophel Arn_

* * *

Marui Bunta was a person who wanted to keep a lot of things. And when he meant a lot, he meant _a lot._

His whole house was filled with junk. Lots and lots of junk. They were all the things that Marui wanted to keep, and yet he never paid them any attention. It was only when he noticed them did he know why he wanted to keep them.

Some of the reasons for keeping things were stupid, Marui had to admit. But still, nonetheless, he wanted to keep everything that looked precious to him, so eventually his desk was cluttered with an assortment of stuff. Truth be told, if Marui had thrown all those things away, he probably wouldn't have missed them anyway.

"Marui-kun, why do you have this calendar?" Jirou asked. "It's not 2005 anymore."

Marui shrugged. "I just kept it cause the design was pretty, you know?"

"Oh…"

But now Marui couldn't keep anything anymore.

Why?

Because ghosts can't keep things.

* * *

Entries are short. Expect them to be short. XD

OMFG I JUST KILLED OFF MARUI NOOO!!


	12. Life

**LIFE**, _n._ A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed. The question, "Is life worth living?" has been much discussed; particularly by those who think it is not, many of whom have written at great length in support of their view and by careful observance of the laws of health enjoyed for long terms of years the honors of successful controversy.

_"Life's not worth living, and that's the truth,"  
__Carelessly caroled the golden youth.  
__In manhood still he maintained that view  
__And held it more strongly the older he grew.  
__When kicked by a jackass at eighty-three,  
__"Go fetch me a surgeon at once!" cried he._

—_Han Soper_

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

Atobe never really thought about life, and had never feared losing it. He at one point in time had been in fear of losing it, but that was only when he was five, and being five while imagining being nothing was a scary thing. It was a thing one could never comprehend, especially with the brain capacity that only knew its ABCs and 1 2 3s.

Everyday started out with it's normal routine. He never really thought about what it would feel like to never be alive, and to never experience these things. He would just start out with the day saying 'Ore-sama no bigi ni yoi na!' or some other narcissistic comment. No, he never really thought about life at all, he just took it for granted.

Nor did he think anyone else thought about their life as a whole. It's not that they didn't care whether or not they died, the thought just never occurred that they might die one day. It was as if everyone's minds were in denial; that humans could never die and they would be alive forever and ever.

Perhaps only old people pondered on these thoughts. But for regular teenagers, death was still a long way off.

* * *

Random drabble. Definition was really long o.o 


	13. Mine

**MINE**, _adj. _Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

* * *

Kirihara gasped.

Yes, he _gasped_. Because he saw Niou sitting on his favorite bench. "Niou-senpai!!" he cried out.

Niou stared at him. "What?"

"Y-y-y-YOU STOLE MY FAVORITE BENCH!!"

"Bratling, this isn't your bench. It's open to the public. Or…at least to anyone who comes to this school."

"BUT…BUT THAT BENCH IS MINE!!"

"…Does it say your name on it?"

Kirihara paused. "No…"

Niou gave a I-just-won smirk. "Then obviously it's not yours."

"What if I write my name on it?" Kirihara asked.

"It's a public bench, bratling."

"But what if I do?" Kirihara protested.

"…I still get to sit on it."

"BUT IT'S MY FAVORITE BENCH!!!"

"Well it's not yours…"

"What if I buy it?" Kirihara asked again.

"It's just a bench…jeez."

"But what if?"

Niou shook his head. "The school won't allow you to buy the bench, because it's school property and they can't just randomly sell benches like that."

"But I want it!!" Kirihara whined.

"Too bad, maybe you should like, build your own bench in your backyard or something."

"But I like this bench!" Kirihara protested.

Niou rolled his eyes and got up. "Seriously, it's just a bench!"

"YAY!!!" Kirihara sat on his oh so favorite bench and clapping. "YAY!!"

"…You have serious issues."

Kirihara was happy for the rest of the day.

* * *

WTF…

Random, weird, and short. I have no idea…XD


	14. Noise

**NOISE**, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

* * *

Yagyuu Hiroshi never liked noises. He never did.

He'd always find it annoying whenever Niou was rambling around and shouting at people, or when his teammate Kirihara always spazzed randomly in the middle of tennis practice. Nor did he like it when Sanada kept on ordering things and yelling out 'TARUNDORU' and such.

Sometimes he wished he had earplugs, just so he could drown out the noise. But even with earplugs, the noise still penetrated through them and reached his ears.

Noises were so frustrating. He wished he could drown them out and never be able to hear again. Although once he looked into the circumstances he decided against it.

Yagyuu Hiroshi liked his peace and quiet. He liked tranquil things.

Apparently the rest of his classmates and teammates were the total opposite of him.

"OMGSUGAR!!" Kirihara yelled out.

Niou winced. "Stop it! You're so loud!"

"BUT IT'S SO AWESOME AND STUFF!!!"

"IT'S JUST SUGAR, BRATLING, WHAT'S SO AWESOME ABOUT IT?!"

"TARUNDORU!!" Sanada shouted. "AKAYA, NIOU, TWENTY LAPS, NOW!!"

"OMGOMGOMGWHATFOR?!" Kirihara almost screamed.

Sanada frowned. "For being noisy."

"AMIREALLYTHATNOISY?OMFG!!!"

"Hm…it appears Akaya has the tendency to go hyper once he has had 34 grams of sugar. Interesting." Yanagi mumbled.

Yep. His teammates definitely were the total opposite from him, noise-wise.

* * *

…XD 


	15. Optimism

**OPTIMISM**, _n. _The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof — an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

* * *

Tezuka was never a firm believer of optimism. 

To him, optimism was something that wasn't needed. It was false hope, and he didn't need false hopes in his life. People would say that he was probably the most pessimistic person out there alive. Because he, in all his life, had never shown any hope for anything. He looked at the negative side of things. Because he was a pessimistic person.

But…

But perhaps he showed neither optimism nor pessimism while leading his team. Because being pessimistic while leading others was a bad thing. It didn't get you anywhere, and having a leader that was pessimistic meant the team would fall apart. Showing optimism didn't get you anywhere either.

Perhaps he wasn't such a pessimistic person at all. Maybe he was just…

Neutral.

That's right. Tezuka Kunimitsu was neither optimistic nor pessimistic.

He was just neutral.

* * *

"Tezuka-buchou, stop being so pessimistic!" Momo whined. 

"100 laps!"

"For what?!"

"For saying I was pessimistic! GO!"

"…"

* * *

…I got confused with my own writing. 

Like, people first assumed Tezuka was pessimistic? And he's like 'NOOOO I'M NEUTRAL. TARUNDORU'

Or something…

Wait, Tezuka doesn't say TARUNDORU...XD


	16. Proof

**PROOF**, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.

* * *

Many unexpected things can happen in life.

After all, it was life. People can take many precautions to try and prevent something from happening, but in the end, something happens that wasn't a part of your calculations. It was not expected, and that's why it happened.

Life just had to suck that way.

It was the same for Mukahi. He had taken so many precautions, and yet that one tiny speck of blood had proved his very existence.

It totally wasn't fair. He could change anything about him; his hair, anything, but he just couldn't change his DNA.

He could even get plastic surgery, but it would all be in vain, because his DNA was proof enough.

* * *

Uh…yeah…XD

This is actually a sneak preview to my new story. My second future fic.

Yeah. I actually have two that I'm working on right now. I have no idea why. And they're both Dirty Pair, if anyone's wondering. XP.


	17. Quotation

**QUOTATION**, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated. 

Intent on making his quotation truer,_  
_He sought the page infallible of Brewer,_  
_Then made a solemn vow that we would be_  
_Condemned eternally. Ah, me, ah, me!_  
_—Stumpo Gaker 

**--The Devil's Dictionary**

* * *

"Atobe's WAY too stupid to know the difference between a tennis racket and his hand," Shishido stated. 

"Atobe's WAY too stupid to know the difference between a tennis racket and his hand," Niou repeated. 

"Actually, I think that'd be Gakuto." 

"Actually, I think that'd be Gakuto." 

"…" 

"…" 

"For some reason I think you're trying to copy me." 

"For some reason I think you're trying to copy me." 

"…I think that assumption is correct." 

"…I think that assumption is correct." 

"Stop." 

"Stop." 

"Niou wears a wig." 

"Niou wears a wig," Niou said, without the slightest hint of disapproval. 

"Dude, you just said that you wear a wig." 

"Dude, you just said that you wear a wig." 

"You're being really annoying." 

"You're being really annoying." 

"Stop copying me!" 

"Stop copying me!" By now, Niou had a triumphant smirk on his face. 

Shishido rolled his eyes. "You're really bored, aren't you?" 

Niou rolled his eyes as well. "You're really bored, aren't you?" 

"I think I'm going to just keep quiet from now on." 

"I think I'm going to just keep quiet from now on." 

"You know plagiarism is illegal, right?" 

"You know plagiarism is illegal, right? And technically, this isn't plagiarism because I'm just quoting you." 

"You're copying me." 

"No, I'm just quoting you." 

"Then where's your citations?" 

"I don't need to cite them, do I?" 

"Yes you do." 

"Yes you do. Quoted from Shishido Ryou, February 18, 2008. 5:09:54 PM." 

"Now you just sound like a retard." 

"Now you just sound like a retard. Quoted from Shishido Ryou, February 18, 2008. 5:10:12 PM." 

"Don't you think quoting is annoying? It's just like copying someone, and having like, no creativity." 

"No, not really." 

"…"

* * *

…Random. Pointless. Heh. 


	18. Recollect

**RECOLLECT**, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

* * *

"Niou, I want you to tell Sanada that he has to come early for practice tomorrow morning because we need to rearrange schedules. Do you understand?" Yukimura asked.

"Yes, Yukimura-buchou."

"Good. Now go tell him."

¤¤¤

"Sanada-fukubuchou, Yukimura-buchou wants you to come early for practice tomorrow morning because of…I think he wants you to rearrange his lunch schedule or something," Niou recalled.

Sanada gave him an odd look. "Don't you mean practice schedules?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure he said something about his lunch schedule."

"…Alright."

¤¤¤

"Niou-kun, why were you talking to Sanada-fukubuchou earlier?" Yagyuu asked.

"Oh, that. Yukimura-buchou wanted to see him tomorrow cause of lunch or something."

"…You mean they're going out for lunch?"

"Something like that, probably."

¤¤¤

"Niou, why was Yagyuu talking to you earlier?" Yanagi asked.

"Oh, that. He wanted to know why I was talking to Sanada-fukubuchou or whatever."

"Why were you talking to him?"

"I dunno…Yukimura wanted to ask Sanada out to lunch, I guess." Niou shrugged.

"Hm…this is interesting data."

¤¤¤

Yukimura gave Niou his 'OMG-you're-so-dead-look".

"Yeah?"

"Renji told me what you said to him."

"Uh, yeah. Um, what was it? Oh yeah, that you were going to ask Sanada-fukubuchou out on a date, right?"

Yukimura's eyes narrowed, and then he reverted back to his smile. "100 laps, if you please, _Masaharu_."

"…"


	19. Selfish

**SELFISH**, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

* * *

"There's a 98 percent chance somebody will ask me for answers to last night's homework," Inui said under his breath, flipping through his notebook.

And sure enough, someone asked him. A black-haired and freckled fifth grader went up to him and said, "Hey, lemme borrow your homework for a sec."

"What is your purpose?" Inui asked him.

"I wanted to check some of my answers, that's all. You know, have a friendly debate and stuff," the fifth-grader replied.

Inui began flipping through his notebook again. "There's a 97 percent chance you're actually going to copy my homework, and the other 3 percent is to give my homework to someone else so _they_ can copy it."

The boy began to get angry. "Jeez, I just wanted to see if my answers were correct or not, that's all. And besides, what kind of fifth grader carries around a notebook every day?" He grabbed the notebook and tore it out of Inui's hands. "If you don't give me the answers I'll throw this precious notebook of yours into a lake!" he threatened.

He was immediately stopped by someone who took the notebook away from him.

"Ah, Renji," Inui acknowledged with a nod.

Yanagi nodded back. "There was a 76 percent chance that someone would come and take your notebook today, Sadaharu."

The black-haired boy was completely dumbstruck. "Y-y-y-you're all freaks!" he cried out, running away.

"And there was a 50 percent chance that you would come, Renji."

"There was a 100 percent chance that you would say that, Sadaharu."

* * *

Totally random friendship moment. XD 


	20. Twice

**TWICE**, _adv._ Once too often.

* * *

He had lost. 

He had lost to Echizen Ryoma of Seigaku during Nationals.

He had lost.

He had lost to a freshman who somehow pulled his way through in the middle of the match.

He had lost to someone who had said 'tennis is fun'.

He had come to win Rikkai's third consecutive National Championship, but he had lost.

He had let people down.

He had let his team down.

No, he had let his _school_ down.

People said twice was once too often.

For Yukimura, losing once was just one loss too many.

* * *

Heh, different style. Dunno what to make of it. XD 


	21. Understanding

**UNDERSTANDING**, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.

His understanding was so keen_  
_That all things which he'd felt, heard, seen,_  
_He could interpret without fail_  
_If he was in or out of jail._  
_He wrote at Inspiration's call_  
_Deep disquisitions on them all,_  
_Then, pent at last in an asylum,_  
_Performed the service to compile 'em._  
_So great a writer, all men swore,_  
_They never had not read before._  
_—Jorrock Wormley

* * *

To Whom It May Concern, even though I know full too well no one is concerned with this.

You all understand nothing.

You all call me stupid. You say I am illogical, a brat, and annoying.

You say I have no sense. I don't understand anything, but nothing understands me. I am supposedly a fool who has no knowledge of the real world; its anxieties and its horrors. You would've thought I'd be a bit smarter, a bit more intelligent. I was not what you wished for, nor what you expected. You all know of my style, and yet you do not know what it's like if you've lost one of your teammates.

You all think you're so smart; nothing escapes your knowledge, because, of course, everything just has to _come_ to you.

Well, obviously you don't understand me.

No one understands me. You all think you've gotten me all figured out, but, the truth is, none of you are anywhere close to knowing who I really am.

It's the same for everyone, because no one knows the real you, only you yourself do.

You aren't with me 24 hours in a day. Therefore, you must not understand me.

I am not an understandable person.

So just leave me be.

* * *

So weird…

The little poem up there was funny. I thought it was interesting. House, horse, haha. XD


	22. Vote

**VOTE**, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country. 

* * *

"Hm…here's an interesting one," Fuji said, looking at a Snapple bottle cap. "It says here that Texas it the only state to allow astronauts in space to vote during elections."

"Oh? What number is that?" Yukimura inquired. 

"Number 144, I believe."

"Ah, I see."

"I have decided," Fuji announced some time later. "That I want to be able to make Snapple bottle caps."

"And put Real Facts on them?" Yukimura asked. "And perhaps change the logo to a tennis racket?"

"Of course," Fuji answered. "And if I say that as of 2008, there will be a vote to see if tennis will be the only sport played in the Olympics, wouldn't that be fantastic? Everyone will believe in it."

"These people who drink Snapple might vote against it."

"It's international, and everyone loves tennis," Fuji argued. "It's the perfect plan."

"Alright then. Go ahead, and start making Snapple Real Facts."

* * *

"As of today, the only sport that shall be played in the Olympics will be tennis," the news reporter announced.

"I think he somehow bribed everyone," Niou muttered.

"Well _I _think he drugged everyone," Kirihara exclaimed.

"And this was all due to Snapple Bottle Caps," Yukimura said, sighing and shaking his head.


	23. Witch

**WITCH**, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

* * *

"Once upon a time there was an witch who lived in a dark, scary cave," Yukimura read.

"Who's the witch?" Kirihara exclaimed. "IS IT NIOU?!"

Niou whacked him with a pillow that…came out of nowhere. "Shut up and listen to the story!!"

"But I want to know who the witch is!" Kirihara whined. "You're mean, Niou-senpai!!"

"_You're _the one who got Yukimura-buchou into a storytelling spree, so shut up!"

"Ore-sama is the witch!" a voice called out from the shadows.

"…That's scary. It sounds like Atobe, but then it doesn't sound like Atobe," Kirihara said.

"Ore-sama is the witch and I am Atobe!"

"OMG I KNOW, IT MUST BE THAT GUY WHO IS OBSESSED WITH PURPLE!" the seaweed-haired boy exclaimed.

"I am not obsessed with purple!" Mizuki cried out. "I just think purple looks like grape juice!"

Niou stared at the strange…boy who just popped out of nowhere. "Um, can I ask why you're wearing a dress?"

"IT'S A CAPE!!" Mizuki screeched.

"It's purple…"

"A PURPLE CAPE!!"

"Dude, are you like PMSing or something?"

"I AM THE WITCH, THEREFORE YOU SHALL FEAR ME!!"

"Oh?" Yukimura piped up, smiling. "I was thinking that people should fear _me_ more. After all, I've done unspeakable things."

"What, like selling yourself to a old witch for a billion yen and having to work as her servant for a billion years?" Kirihara guessed.

"ARE YOU IMPLYING SOMETHING ABOUT ME?!" Mizuki was glaring at Kirihara now, who was staring innocently at him.

"Of course not," Kirihara answered. "You're not old, you're just middle-aged."

A long gasp came from Mizuki. Said boy was twitching uncontrollably now, and he looked as if he wanted to pry out the junior ace's eyes. Very badly. "I shall put a curse on you now! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

And that was the sad story of how Kirihara became a frog.

* * *

Um, more fairytale like this time.

Many apologies for not updating. I had…stuff going on. Yeah, that's the only explanation I have. XD


	24. X

**X** in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language. X is the sacred symbol of ten dollars, and in such words as Xmas, Xn, etc., stands for Christ, not, as is popular supposed, because it represents a cross, but because the corresponding letter in the Greek alphabet is the initial of his name — Xristos. If it represented a cross it would stand for St. Andrew, who "testified" upon one of that shape. In the algebra of psychology x stands for Woman's mind. Words beginning with X are Grecian and will not be defined in this standard English dictionary.

* * *

"Why the fuck do these English speaking people need an X?" Niou groaned, scribbling on his English homework. "There's no need for it!"

"Well, they need it for a word like xylophone, and X-ray," Kirihara pointed out. "And vortex and stuff."

"We can replace it with Z or something. There's like, only a handful of uses for X in the language anyway."

"Well then that means changing the whole format of the dictionary, not to mention people would have to learn their ABC's all over again," Yagyuu commented, doing his calculus homework, since he was so smart. "It would be too much of a hassle, and there are more important matters to be attended to."

"I think my health should be attended to. I've been studying so much English that I think my brain's malfunctioned. Oh, wait, never mind, that's Akaya."

"Hey!" Kirihara interjected.

"Then I suggest you see a doctor, maybe he can do something about it," the bespectacled boy advised.

"I think I should talk to the president of the United States of America and sort things out with him," the trickster brainstormed. "Or maybe I should just overthrow the president and become president myself and have their national language be Japanese, so we don't have to learn English."

"That would mean to overthrow England, Australia, and other English speaking countries as well."

"…Wait, don't Australians speak…Australian?" Kirihara asked, looking confused. "Wait, no, that was probably New Zealand."

"Niou-kun, forget it, just do your homework and forget about it."

"No, I refuse to do it."

The very next day Niou got an F on his English test, and he still hadn't thought of a way to change the alphabet. Yet.

* * *

…

No comment. XD


	25. Year

**YEAR**, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

* * *

"Ore-sama is very disappointed in you," Atobe said. "To think that you would steal a teammate's shorts and use them for a school project, that disappoints ore-sama."

"Atobe, you're always disappointed," Shishido grumbled. "It's too early in the morning, no one cares about shorts, and no one cares about how many times you're disappointed in one freaking day."

"It's true Ore-sama has high standards," Atobe admitted. "But Ore-sama feels the need to inform you that I do not get disappointed everyday."

"Yes you do," Oshitari contradicted. "Every day you claim you have gotten disappointed in something. Just yesterday you had claimed that you were disappointed in the makings of Naruto."

"But the plotline was horrifying!" protested the captain. "However did you manage to read all those chapters?"

"It does get lengthy after a while," the tensai admitted. "But still, it just proves the fact that you're always disappointed in something."

"So does that mean he has 365 disappointments in a year?" Mukahi asked.

"It's more like…I dunno…365 and a fourth disappointments," Shishido said. "Actually…well yeah, 365 and a fourth."

"How the fuck do you break up a disappointment into fourths?!" The acrobatic player frowned, crossing his arms. "That doesn't make any sense!"

"I'm not saying that it has to be broken up into fourths, I'm just saying that there's one extra day for leap years."

"Ore-sama does not have 365 and a fourth disappointments!"

"Yes you do, Atobe, get over it," everyone said.

* * *

Um, really random.

The genres…are all like, humor for some reason. Wow. And Hyoutei-centric. What happened?


	26. Zigzag

**ZIGZAG**, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden. (From zed, z, and jag, an Icelandic word of unknown meaning.)

He zedjagged so uncomen wyde_  
_Thet non coude pas on eyder syde;_  
_So, to com saufly thruh, I been_  
_Constreynet for to doodge betwene._  
_

* * *

"Stop being so indecisive, Gakuto," Oshitari reprimanded. "Just choose one; either you want to take a cooking class next year, or you want to take a arts class."

"But I don't know!" Mukahi whined, looking over his choices frantically. "I don't know if I want to do art, cooking, theatre, or choir!"

"I'd say nix to the choir part," Oshitari advised him, crossing it off Mukahi's list with a pen. "And nix to the theatre part too." He crossed that off also.

"But I want to do theatre!! Or cooking, I dunno which one. I want to eat food that I cook, but I want to act too!"

"Okay, I'm going to cross off cooking because you'll burn down our school's kitchen. And Atobe won't appreciate that, since _he's_ most likely the one who's going to be paying for the damages."

"Why?!" Mukahi demanded, crossing his arms.

"I'm going to cross off arts too, because you'll ruin all my favorite paints. Congratulations Gakuto, I've solved the problem for you."

"Yuushi…there _are_ no classes for me to take anymore…you crossed them all out."

"Then choose one," Oshitari replied, tossing the paper away.

"That doesn't help at all! Fine, I'll do theatre. Wait, no, cooking. No, choir…!"

* * *

Haha. Indecisions.

I got this chapter out early. Cause I wanted to finish this. XP.

So I'll only have to worry about updating Emptied Life. Weeeee.


End file.
